Let's Talk About Adulting
By Kaitlyn Ender
Let's Talk About...
Body Image & Confidence
Why talk about body image and confidence together? Well, I like to think that they often go hand in hand, especially for emerging adults. Body image can greatly impact the overall confidence of many 20-somethings. Society sets standards for young people to be in the "best shape of their lives" during their 20s. Unrealistic expectations for attractiveness and health can be overwhelming and are often harmful for emerging adults. It can be a lot to navigate, especially after freshly exiting the teenage years, which may have been plagued with body image struggles or even disorders, such as anorexia, body dysmorphia, or bulimia. As emerging adults enter a new phase of their life, their confidence will become more and more important for their wellbeing.
TW for this page: eating disorders, weight, body image
Blossom, a 20-year-old art-lover living at home…
Talking about body image... for us girls especially, it's a very tough thing. From the earliest age we are shown what we are supposed to look like. When I was a little girl, I was overweight from about the age of 8-14. It was very hard. I remember being 11 years old and crying because I wasn't "thin enough." Although my doctors always told me I was healthy.
It was something I struggled with greatly growing up. Even when I lost weight, I struggled. I felt I had to change this, or that. My body was never good enough. I developed an eating disorder and exercised obsessively after school. I weighed myself everyday. It wasn't good.
However... the upside is that I have been doing a lot better with this now. For the past year or so I'd say that I'm in a great place. I don't count calories. I don't weigh myself unless I'm at the doctor. I don't pinch my body. I know my limits. I know my triggers. And when they occur, I work through them, and I remind myself: my body is good enough. I am good enough.
But I know that this state of mind isn't easy to acquire. Like everything, it takes time. And work. What helped me greatly was limiting/watching my social media consumption. Unfollow accounts that make you question yourself! Also, meditating has helped me. That's also helped me a lot with confidence.
Speaking on confidence, that's also always been a struggle. I've always been shy. I struggled greatly with social anxiety as a young kid. Some of it has faded with time. And some of it I work through. Meditating helps as well in this area for me! I also find that yoga helps as well-- it connects you to your body, and for me, makes me feel more comfortable in my body.
Lesson: Recognize when you are struggling. Recognizing is the first step. And then take action to take care of yourself. It's all about believing in yourself. If you believe in yourself, you can overcome just about anything.
Snowdrop, a 22-year-old aspiring wildland firefighter and lover of the outdoors…
I am very skinny for my age and height. Has it ever affected me, no. I never cared what people thought about me or what I thought about myself. I worked out a lot in high school but only because I wanted to get stronger personally. I'm not the one to judge too much on one’s body image because we are born the way we are.
Wisteria, an 18-year-old interested in painting and the outdoors…
I struggled with anorexia and was deathly skinny for a long time. then I gained 50lbs within 6 months and haven’t been able to lose it. yet at times I feel more confident than I did. I learned most people are too worried about their own bodies to pay attention to judge yours.
Iris, a 20-year-old majoring in human services...
Growing up, I was always stick and bone. Now that I look back, I assume it was because of the constant stress I was under, and how low my mental health was. Now that I’m happier and healthier than ever, I also weigh the most I ever have. I much rather live the life now and be curvy, then live the life I did when I was society’s ideal body type. Our purpose in life is to not look good for others, it’s to feel good for ourselves. I still get very insecure in how I look, don’t get me wrong, but I try to remind myself of that often.
Iris, I relate to this so much! I was also under a lot of stress in high school, as well as pressure to conform to societal standards of beauty, so I purposefully lost a lot of weight because I thought it would make me well-liked.
However, I also learned the same lesson that you have; life is so much better when you learn to embrace your natural size/frame. I spent so many years engaging in unhealthy habits and obsessing over my looks. I was never truly happy with myself then because I was trying to change how I was meant to look.
Note: I want to mention that it isn't bad at all to be someone that fits the societal beauty standards! The important thing is accepting your body and learning that all bodies are perfect and worthy. There is no one body type that defines health or beauty.
I still struggle with confidence as well, but my self image is 1000x better than it was when I was trying to change myself and my body in unhealthy ways. I'm so glad you're in a better place too. You are so right, the most important thing is that we love and accept ourselves; as long we we feel good, that's all that matters.
Dahlia, a 20-year-old English major working at her college’s writing center…
I’ve always had an issue with my body. Ever since I was little, I have hated my thighs. Always. And I have a little belly that I’ve also always hated. There was a period in my life where I got really sad and ended up losing my appetite for like a month. I still ate, just ate quite a bit less, and I lost between 10-15 pounds. The same thing kind of happened again my sophomore year of college, and instead of just the weight loss, I also started getting migraines all the time. When my eating was fixed, the headaches went away.
In that vein, I’ve learned that the way I lost weight wasn’t healthy, and that if I was going to eat less, I needed to make up for it with better, healthier meals for the times it came for me to eat again.
It certainly helps having a boyfriend who validates me and says that he thinks I’m beautiful no matter what. But sometimes I remind myself that his opinion doesn’t really matter; it should always be my own.
Covid definitely took a lot of things. I’m grateful I didn’t lose or gain too much weight, but at the same time, I’m telling myself that it wouldn’t matter if I had. Covid was the catalyst of me learning to be a better friend to my body and while I occasionally have the littlest grievance about it, I’ve come to love other things about it that much more.
Daisy, a 20-year-old college student…
I’ve been insecure about my body since I was eight years old. I started to take health and fitness seriously when I was fourteen and became more confident, but I still struggled with body image. During the pandemic, stress and excessive exercise caused me to lose fifteen pounds, which wasn’t healthy. I am still working on fueling myself without restricting and moving to celebrate myself, but I appreciate my body much more than I ever have.
Daffodil, a 22-year-old aspiring teacher and sports lover…
High school was rough. I was probably in the best shape of my life and I hated myself. It’s sad to say, because looking back I wish I could’ve told myself that I was loved and that I was more than what I looked like from the outside. But, weirdly enough, even after gaining some normal weight in college and not being a full-time athlete anymore, I’ve had more confidence with this body that I had a few years ago when I was super fit. I think a big part of confidence and body image is who you surround yourself with. Also, positive outlook. Through therapy, someone told me to “give that negative voice of yours a name” so that when you start talking bad about yourself you can physically call out a person. My “negative person” is Nelly. Haha get it? “Negative Nelly” and whenever I say something to myself, I would never say to a friend I back up and remember who I am and how loved I am. That has really helped.
Daffodil, ABSOLUTELY! You are so right about surrounding yourself with positive people. That has helped my confidence so much. I have actually had a very similar experience as far as accepting my current body more than I did my old body, even though it doesn't exactly fit the societal standards that I once strived to achieve.
I think sometimes is just takes time and learning how to be kinder and less harsh on yourself. Therapy is so helpful, I also used it as a tool for recovery! I love the idea of naming the negative voice in your head, that's a great technique if you're dealing with intrusive negative thoughts.
Same with the idea of treating yourself like you would treat a friend! It seems simple, but it's really true when you think about it; why be so hard on yourself? You would never be that way towards someone you love! Shutting out the negative voices in your mind and actually changing the way you talk about yourself internally can seriously impact your overall mood and confidence!
I am so happy to hear you've gained confidence and learned healthy ways to deal with body image struggles. Keep going, you are beautiful and worthy!
Cosmo, an 18-year-old incoming college student and creator of art and music…
I have struggled with body image in confidence a lot in the past. Once I learned that all bodies are made uniquely different in their own perfectly imperfect way, that’s when I truly begin to love my body. I’ve also learned that you can’t compare your body to others because we all have our own and we all want what we usually can’t have.
Social media also sets very unrealistic expectations in regards to what our bodies should look like. I think everyone should just be grateful that their body is keeping them alive and has got them through so many years of life. Your body is your vessel, it’s not meant to “look” any type of way. A healthy body is what people should start admiring, not a “sexy” one.
Orchid, a 20-year-old direct care worker and fan of thriller novels...
I’ve had a lot of struggles with my body image that started at a pretty young age. When I was in middle school, at about the age of 12 I started developing an eating disorder, that became a really big struggle for me. I’m in recovery and that feels so amazing but it took me awhile to get here. Even now self-confidence is something I struggle with sometimes. I think growing more into myself and getting more introspective and experience in life has helped me with loving myself.
Violet, a 17-year-old that loves drawing and is planning to attend community college...
My body image is something I do struggle with. This is mainly because my weight has fluctuated so much over the years, because of medication and depression, and even just growing up. When I look in the mirror, I see a million things I want to change about my appearance. But at the same time, I also see a million unique characteristics that I wouldn’t be me without. My confidence though, has skyrocketed over the past year. I’ve never felt more beautiful and comfortable in my own skin. I’ve learned that I don’t need to make myself look a certain way to be considered attractive. My confidence allows me to help people with theirs like never before. Even though I still struggle, I realize that it’s a universal experience. I try to tell everyone they're beautiful because those compliments go a long way. I still feel beautiful, even though I recognize that I might not be beautiful to everyone. I know that so many people experience body image issues, but that’s because of the internet culture we live in. You can’t expect to have a figure like anyone else. I love my body the way it is because it keeps me alive and sustains me. I am unique, and was created unlike anybody else. That’s the most important lesson I’ve learned by far.
Sunflower, a 20-year-old workout enthusiast majoring in biochemistry…
Ohhh boy. It has been rocky! I have always been a very petite and skinny person. It has influenced the way others see me and how I see myself, both positively and negatively.
My earliest body image issue memory was when one of my grandparents commented on how I was starting to look healthier and "less anorexic" (her exact words!) and that has really bothered me. I know we talk so much about body positivity and respecting and loving plus size women and men, but I think we need to remind ourselves to do the same for people in smaller bodies. I have struggled with trying to have enough "meat on my bones" and to not "look anorexic" and it's been hard. It sucks to not feel womanly enough when you're small, flat-chested, have zero curves, and no butt.
I think my confidence has changed over the years though and I have started putting my worth in God rather than worldly things or people. I've worked really hard to unfollow people who make me feel poorly about myself and have been able to stray away from comparing myself to others. It's definitely not a night and day difference or ever going to be, but rather it's a journey that I will most likely be on for my whole life as my mindset and opinions of myself ebb and flow.
Lesson: What you look like has no effect on who you are as a person. You are beautiful no matter what "imperfections" you may have. Life would be pretty boring if we all looked the same, enjoy your differences and celebrate all of the things your body does for you!
Sunflower, thank you for sharing your story! You are absolutely right about how important it is to respect people in smaller bodies. Yes, "thinness" has been the standard body type for many years, but that shouldn't be an excuse to bring down people who are thin. All bodies deserve appreciation and respect, no matter their size or shape! Keep being you, beautiful! :)
My perspective...
I decided to have the topics of body image and confidence featured together for this project because I feel like they often go hand in hand, especially during adolescence and emerging adulthood.
Growing up, my father used to call me fat and tell me I was overweight when I was an average, healthy weight. He called me other names that really brought me down and messed with my body image and overall confidence, which only added on to the challenges I had as a teenager.
In high school, I dealt with body dysmorphia and disordered eating. I would obsess about how I looked, analyzing every detail of my outer being. When I saw myself in the mirror, my reflection was distorted; the slightest bit of asymmetry turned into a tumor protruding from one side of my face. I couldn't stop thinking about how one eye was smaller than the other or how my eyebrows weren't growing in perfectly even. I started to eat less and workout excessively because I didn't think I was "thin enough," when in reality I was underweight and unhealthy.
My confidence was really low because I allowed others to dictate what I thought about myself. People started complimenting me more as I lost weight, so I kept engaging in these unhealthy behaviors because I was, in a sense, being rewarded. I would spend hours doing my makeup to try and hide my imperfections, so when people showed approval of how I looked, it continued this vicious cycle.
Over the years, I've slowly learned about self-love and found more confidence in my appearance and myself as a person. My confidence began to truly develop when I was in college. I remember walking into an Aerie store with my best friend and picking out some leggings and sweatshirts that I felt really good in. That moment really sticks out to me because of how much my confidence was boosted by simply finding clothes that made me comfortable. It wasn't about impressing people at school or fitting in; I wore what I wanted because it made me feel happy and confident. From then on, I've experimented more and more with my fashion. It's become a huge source of confidence, creativity, and self-expression. While fashion isn't everyone's cup of tea, having clothes that fit well and match my personal style has been a wonderful tool for helping boost my confidence.
I've also learned how important it is to have people in your life that are accepting, encouraging, and positive. My best friend is one person that has always helped me through my body image struggles; she tells me I look beautiful and gives me reminders about how God made us to be exactly as we are. My grandma, brother, mom, and aunts have all also helped remind me to not get caught up in societal standards or what others think. I have a great support system that has really lifted me up, which is very important when you're struggling.
I also follow people on social media that encourage body acceptance. I started watching the YouTubers Sierra Schultzzie and Carrie Dayton a few years back and they helped me so much when I was struggling with body image. They opened my eyes by showcasing how size and weight truly don't matter. For the longest time, I placed so much importance on the number sewn into my jeans, but I now know that it doesn't determine my worth or beauty at all.
I currently weigh the most I ever have, but I feel so much more confident than when I was trying to be "perfect." The reason for this is how my mindset has changed; I no longer believe that my weight defines me or how people see me. I realize that stretch marks, acne, cellulite, and body rolls are all perfectly normal and make us beautiful.
While I've come so far on this journey, I still face challenges. During the past couple of months, I've been having more frequent and intrusive negative thoughts. My body has changed a lot in recent years, due to hormones and just growing from a teen's body to a woman's body. Sometimes I struggle with accepting myself as I am, especially when thoughts like "if I were thinner then I would be happier," or "I would be more attractive if I lost weight," pop into my head. When this happens, I have to immediately shut them down and remind myself that I am perfect just the way I am. I feel healthy, I look good, and I would not be _(fill in blank here)_ if I were a different size. I have to appreciate the body I have right now and stop worrying about changing myself to impress others or fit an unrealistic beauty standard.
My overall confidence has increased a ton since I changed my mindset. Going to college and learning more about psychology and how the mind works has also helped me to cope with a lot of the different challenges I was facing, whether it be related to body image, learning how to deal with trauma, or understanding the actions of people around me. Knowledge is power, so my education has boosted my confidence because it's taught me so much about myself and the world.
I am so grateful for the opportunities that have allowed my confidence to grow. By putting myself out there, meeting new people, learning about the world, and challenging myself to go out of my comfort zone, I have truly pushed boundaries in my academic and personal life, which has helped me to become the most confident that I have ever been. While not every day will be easy, I can't wait to keep working on self-love as I continue to evolve!